Thursday, November 11, 2010

I hate goodbyes!


Dear All

Sem ni mmg banyak cabaran aku hadapi, tp aku dah jadi stronger due to all these challenges. Becoming 30 is not as easy as I thought and it is indeed not as difficult or daunting as i have imagined - or may be i dont really savour its taste yet?.

Yes. As I am now 30 i go out more. I rarely spend time at home alone. I would prefer to just walk blankly or just do some window shopping. FYI.. i would always do such masa early 20s dulu. As time passes, i got bored and i just drifted away.

hmm... lately I draw myself closer to my students. Yup. I m enjoying myself in my classes. Among them all, there are 5 students which have become close to me.

Last night, since they are all going home today, they called me just to hang out with me. Well.. it has been years since I last hangnout with students. Some of my ex students which have become close to me would include Yazid and my bro Fendi. They were my friends when I was in Kulim.

Now, this sem, I have got 5 new 'friends'. Last night went to Kambeng, ate there. They wanted to treat me. haha. Pity them, i wanted them to celebrate the ending of their sem 1, but unfortunately i have forgotten that they dont have $$. So, I didnt order much. let them eat. After that, took them to watch movie. It was an awesome movie and they did say that it was good to end the sem that way. I treated them movie tics. We were a bit late. Pak guard didnt let them enter, so I took them home. They slept at my place.

Today, just now, they came to see me. i thought they wanted to borrow my car since they are going to move from their hostel to their new rental. But I was wrong. They came to see me just to say goodbye. I was.... touched. Indeed. They said they wont be seeing me for 3 weeks. And they indeed want to spend more time with me next sem. Well guys! Sure! let us go somewhere and enjoy! I was planning to take them to Sedim. Insyallah. They have also offered me to come to their place and stay at theirs. Insyallah. I have to prob, just that I m not sure when will be going to their places. But who knows...

Among them, there is this chatty and kuat merapu one. Hakim. He helped me to mark my exam papers. haha. I was so busy so I asked his help.

But.. on top of all, I m really bad at departure. I dont know how to act and what to do. I would always want to skip the 'goodbye' session. Coz to me, goodbye is like the ending of everything. So I refuse to bid farewell to anybody. So just now, I didnt know what to do when they purposely came to my office just to bid goodbye. *Sigh* I can impress people with my social skill but it is really hard for me to attend departures.

I still remember, these are 5 students which I scolded a few months back for coming late to my class. These are the students which I asked to sit outside of the class. haha. Funny. yet now they draw closer to me.

They are on their way home now. Yup guys! thanks for the treat and thanks for the laughter. Hakim, Zaid, Zul, Rashid and Zabir see you next sem... in one piece ya.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Sharing is caring...


LA TAHZAN (Dont be sad!) by Dr 'Aidh bin 'Abdullah Al-Qarni is indeed an inspirational book. I can keep on and on and on quoting his words. Here I share some which have made me become more forgiving and cool. Remember how bad people made you feel, just believe that Allah is there for you.

So here some worth sharing quotes...

"Sesungguhnya emosi yang tidak terkendali hanya akan meletihkan. Sebab, ketika seseorang sedang marah misalnya, maka kemarahannya akan meluap dan sukar dikendalikan. Dan itu akan membuat seluruh tubuhnya gementar, mudah memaki siapa sahaja, seluruh hatinya tertumpah ruah, dan akan cenderung bertindak mengikut nafsunya. Sekiranya dia mengalami kegembiraan, dia menikmatinya secara berlebihan, mudah lupa diri dan tak ingat lagi siapa dirinya"

"Begitulah manusia; ketika sedang bermusuh dengan seseorang, dia cenderung megherdik dan mencelanya, dan melupakn seluruh kebaikan orang yang tidak dia sukai itu begitu sahaja. Demikian pula ketika dia menyukai orang lain, dia akan segera melupakan kekurangannya, bahkan orang itu akan terus di a puja dan sanjung setinggi-tingginya seolah tiada cacat celanya."

"Cintailah sesuatu yang kamu cintai sekadar sahaja, kerana biasa jadi suatu hari nanti ia akan menjadi sesuatu yang kamu benci; dan bencilah sesuatu yang kamu benci sekadarnya sahaja, kerana biasa jadi suatu hari nanti ia akan menjadi sesuatu yang kamu cintai"

"Barangsiapa mampu mengawal emosinya, mengendalikan aqalnya dan menimbang segalanya dengan benar, maka ia akan mudah melihat kebenaran, mengetahui petunjuk dan memutuskan sesuatu dengan benar"

" Jangan kau salahkan orang merindu dengan kerinduannya sehingga kau mampu menyelami jiwanya"

So do question yourself why such thing happened to you. Everything happens for a reason. :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Photos and their stories...

I had to drink lots of this just to make sure that the stone in my kidney would be dissolved.


This was the report made by the doctor. I also found out that I have an abnormal kidney. hehe. I am abnormal and I do think that I deserve OKU card. hehe.


I was asked to wear this for my MRI scan. They put me through a doughnut with very beautiful moving lights. Suddenly the nurse said "Saya tak biasa pakai benda ni!" I was WTF??? hehe. I survived the radiation. I do think that now I am a mutant! X-MEN here I come!

Look at this cat! I bro owns this cat! It looks so fierce and brutal. But in reality he is a coward. Scared even to get out of the house. But look at him. so AUMMM!!! but actually meow meow!




I was so stressed out, so I went for a facial relaxation treatment. It consisted of several courses. a) Enzime treatment. B) Diamond treatment C) rejuvenating treatment. The person who did this to me was so cute. Felt like taking that amoi home. She is actually from my kampong and she has been working for this premise for several months. I will DEFINITELY see her again. Amoi!!!! Amoi cantik! Amboi!!!



A gallery restaurant at Jitra which serves expensive Tomyam. Hehe. I tried it once and the taste of its tomyam is similar to the restaurant's near my house.


I stayed at this hotel. Cosy but cheap. My ex-students are working here too. Lousy breakfast. Hard bed, yet ok for its price. I was ok for a day. Then when the swearing occurred, I felt like burning the hotel down even though it was not its fault and it had nothing to do with it. Remember: you may swear to other people and felt nothing about it. Just wait until one day somebody swear at you, at you would 'taste' it yourself. Best of luck!

This was the thing that I ate at RFC, Jitra.



The burger was OK. Organic.. mind you!



Love the chicken, I didnt feel 'muak' eating it since it is organic. Less fat and no yucky feeling.


I ate this ice cream when I was in Jitra. Yup! I went to RFC or Radix Fried Chicken. 100% halal fastfood outlet. But trust me, I didnt have enough. The chicken was different since they were organically breed.

This is RFC. As you can see, it is opened under HPA Sdn Bhd, a muslim owned franchaise.


I decorated my mum's house with this, that night, just to kill time since that house was so quiet. I did this.


This one too. I was imagining my mum in the kitchen cooking for me that night. But, obviously, she was not around.



Pity this kitty. He had been following me. I couldnt keep him since I was on my way to Jitra. Pity him. He is now nowhere to be found.


We ate this! wuhuhuhuhu! Delish!


Pamper myself with fish spa! I love going to spa lately! pamper myself! I m 30 and definitely I m happy!


Doctor forbits me from eating seafood. Anis, Ili, Jaja and a friend asked me to join them for CRAB session. Gosh! Delish! Ate 2 crabs and got rashes after that. Nevermind. Life is too great to be wasted.


My wall looks crowded eh? need to do something about it.


My trip to kl with my bro during Ramadhan.



Thursday, October 28, 2010

I m 30, I m busy BUT I m happy

Salam. It has been ages since my last post. Well I guess, now I m back. I have so many to spill about. About my bday, about courses that I handled, about my health, about this about that. But in all I would say that turning 30 is not a bad thing after all. I m much happier now. Things have got back to normal me. I was lost for a while, but now I m ok. I m the usual me. I was lost for nearly 2 years. Now... I back. The old Zack is back. Yes! I would want it to be that way.


How I wish I could spill everything here, but I just cant. maybe.. MAYBE in my other blog... somewhere.... you can read all about it. haha. But DEFINITELY not here. huhu.

My new hobby now is reading. My friend recommended me to read Dont Be Sad by Dr 'Aidh bin Abdullah Al-Qarni. I bought the book and still am reading it. It is so inspirational. I found this quote, which I think worth sharing...


"Wahai masa lalu yang telah berlalu dan selesai, tenggelamlah seperti mataharimu. Aku tak akan pernah menangisi pemergianmu, dan kamu tidak akan pernah melihatku termenung sedetik pun untuk mengingatimu. kamu telah meninggalkan kami semua pergi dan tidak akan kembali"


"Wahai masa depan, engkau masih dalam keghaiban! Maka aku tidak akan pernah bermain dengan khayalan dan menjual diri hanya untuk sebuah dugaan. Aku pun tidak bakal memburu sesuatu yang belum tentu ada, kerana esok hari mungkin tidak ada sesuatu; esok hari adalah sesuatu yang belum diciptakan dan tidak ada satu pun darinya yang dapat disebutkan"


"Hari ini adalah milikmu"

There are many more. I got 2 batik bookmarks as my bday present, so I use them wisely.

FB? It has been 2 weeks since I last logged on to it. I dont know why I suddenly feel so lazy to use it! For now I think I would prefer to be lost in books. I will get back to my FB really soon. I do miss Latip and Kyuti, but I will get back to them later.

A cat peed on my shoes. Shit! I need to buy a new pair of shoes. Damn! (~_~)"

Luckily Jusco sale in on and Parkson too. So... shoppinggggg time~!!!

The old zack is back. And he is here to stay!..

da~

Monday, September 20, 2010

a special wish

all the best to him and indeed he is my brother.

Friday, August 13, 2010

soothing song for Ramadhan.

Assalamualaikum

Do listen to this song. It is so soothing. Listen to the acoustic version. This is just its temporary video link. I will post the real one soon. Adik, listen to this. No excuse!!!!!



Maher Zain - Thank You Allah - New Album Advert
Uploaded by mucan63. - Explore more music videos.


Thank You Allah Lyrics
By: Maher Zain

I was so far from you
Yet to me you were always so close
I wandered lost in the dark
I closed my eyes toward the signs
You put in my way
I walked everyday
Further and further away from you
Ooooo Allah, you brought me home
I thank You with every breath I take.
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.
I never thought about
All the things you have given to me
I never thanked you once
I was too proud to see the truth
And prostrate to you
Until I took the first step
And that’s when you opened the doors for me
Now Allah, I realized what I was missing
By being far from you.
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.
Allah, I wanna thank You
I wanna thank you for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
And did you give me hope
O Allah, I wanna thank you
I wanna thank You for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
I wanna thank You for bringing me home
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

the bizzare case Of chicken pox



Salam. It is finally here. Ramadhan. Yes. I feel more relax and enjoying the trueness of fasting. Yup! Indeed.

Well, there have been so many things I want to post here, just that I am not sure whether on not I have got the time to write. Let me start with chicken pox. Hoho.

Chicken pox

Last 3 weeks, when I was in Bukit Hijau (for a tiring and troublesome English Camp), I received some smses from my lil bro. From the smses I got to now that something was not OK. He kept on asking when I will be out of the 'jungle'. I could sense something bad was on. The line there, in the jungle, was so terrible. I had to find the right spot just to send 1 sms. My bro, however, received several smses from me, I mean the same sms but several times. So I guess, celcom was 'razorblading' me for that.

My bro asked me several times about my stay there at that jungle. I know him every well, if he wants to ask something, his mukaddimah would be long and winding. Only then he would spill out his intention. So being him, the normal him, I can sense, he wanted to ask something. And finally, I got an sms from him telling me that he had been diagnosed with chicken pox. Gosh! there was no other word that I could say, just that, "take a bus home immediately!"

I had chicken pox before and I know it is kind of tedious work just to have one. First of all there would be so many no-nos. Among them would include
A)DO NOT FRY ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE
B)DO NOT EXPOSE YOURSELF TO RAIN ( actually I have 1 big scar on my chest because of this. A rain fell onto my chest, and the chicken pox had become big, and now the scar is like somebody who has had an operation before. I used to brag about this scar by saying that " I was shot, and the bullet stuck here. But I survived" hehe)
C) DONT LOOK INTO MIRROR. if not the 'poxes' would become shy and they would 'drown' themselves back.
D)DO NOT TAKE OILY FOOD.
E)DO NOT TAKE SEAFOOD AND OTHER 'ITCHY FOOD'
but the most ridiculous of all....
F) DO NOT LET CHICKEN SEE YOU. what? What is the rationale behind this? I xknow. hehe

... then on Sunday, after coming out from the jungle, I went to fetch my bro at Bworth bus station. Yes.. I was kind of shocked to see him. His face was full of 'spots'. I dared not say much. But there was no smile at all on his face. So, obviously he was not enjoying himself at all, well who would.

It was drizzling. I was worried to see him walk in the drizzle, I was trying to get an umbrella, but it was to late, he walked rather fast. He entered the car, and no word came out from his mouth. He didn't even shake my hand. So, to play save, I held my tongue.

I have got some experience in taking care of chicken pox patient before. My late mom had chicken pox just a few months before she left us. So, I took care of her for several days. But hers was not as bad as my bro's. We are talking about big poxes here. But, I didn't mind. All I know, I must help him recover since ramadhan is getting near, and he needs to go back to seremban to continue with his study. With that condition, I didnt think it would be the best for him to stay at his hostel. Knowing him, he would not ask help from people. So, with that pox, I didnt think he would be asking his roommate to go out and buy food for him. So, that was why I ORDERED him to come home. And thank god, he did!

In helping him to recover, the main thing that I must focus on was his food. To ensure that he got 'permissible' food, I cooked for him. haha. Just imagine. for two weeks I cooked at home. And now, I do think that I have become a good cook. He could not eat well since he got poxes on his inner throat. So, he had to take porridge and soft food (just like a baby) wuhuhu.. After a few days, no more porridge for him. After nearly two weeks, he finally got better and last Sunday, he went back to seremban. there goes the pox guy! haha.



What I learn from this experience:

Not just learning to become a good cook (ahem ahem) I also learn to be patient. It is not easy though to juggle between work and household chores. I had to go to work, then ran home, cooked, then this and that. Luckily he managed to do all the things oh his own. If he is a small kid, I was pretty sure to die. At nights, he couldn't sleep. There would be numerous time, I woke out finding him using neem leaves to ease the itchiness that he had. Pity him. If he is a small boy, I m pretty sure he would be crying!. It also helped me to be more responsible. All this while, all that I care (well most of the time) would be myself. From the experience, I help myself to be more reliable. Taking care of sick person is not easy. There were several times I was badly hurt (I mean, emotionally, but I do hope it was not done intentionally. If yes.. SCREW YOU BRO!!), but come to think about it as a test for my patience, so I managed to get along with it. But for those out there, please... DO NOT USE SWEAR WORDS! It DOES NOT feel good at all!

After this chicken pox thingy, I m reevaluating myself. Can I be a good brother? Husband? Father? Am I ready to face all the responsibilities that are waiting for me ahead? Do I have what it takes to be a responsible person? How good would I be in handling others? but on top of all, AM I QUALIFIED TO HOLD ALL THOSE TITLES?

I m still asking myself the question.

Thanks to all my friends that had helped in giving information this and that. It feels really bad when there is no mom around to provide you with all the info when you need them. So I do miss my mom, her appearance, a lot. But, she did a very good job. Because of her I know all the things that I know now. So thank you MAK for all the things that you showed me, and taught me. You will always be the QUEEN OF MY HEART.

So bro... get 100% well soon, so that you can enjoy your satay for this coming Raya. Don't worry so much about those scars as they will disappear, sooner or later. Thanks for believing in me, and thanks for giving me the chance to experience how to handle chicken pox patient. Sorry, if I didn't manage to cater your taste buds and didn't be the best 'nurse' in taking care of you.

All in all, thanks bro..

Thursday, July 15, 2010

*sigh*........ -_-

Well. I was happy last week, but today suddenly another test is here for me to face. I m sick of this kind of test, but, what to to. It's Allah's plan. So, I need to withstand it and face it.

Support me please.

Friday, July 2, 2010

I m finding my comfort


As I posted earlier, my mind is not at ease these 2-3 days. The feeling of something not good is going to happen is haunting me. I m trying to comfort myself by listening to some zikr and the recitation of Quran. I realize nobody would be there for me except Allah. So there's no other power can help me and ease the burden that I feel. Got another meltdown last night. I am weak. I m weak. To Allah I turn hoping for His help and guidance. Today, I found Maher Zain songs in my pc music playlist. I m trying to find my comfort from Allah. Ya Allah, do help.

My heart cried while listening to this song.

Allah. Please help me.


Insyallah
Maher Zain


Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can`t see which way to go
Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake
You feel you can`t repent
And that its way too late
Your`re so confused,wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame


Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He`s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don`t let me go astray
You`re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way 2x
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah we`ll find the way

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Ya Allah...Rasa itu kembali


I can sense something I dont approve, I dont like, is going to happen.

Sudah 2-3 minggu aku sangat gembira. jadi aku harap aku dapat terus gembira. Tolonglah... Ya Allah.

Kepada orang yang sangat penting dalam hidup aku, jagalah apa yang kita ada sebaiknya. Ianya sangat menyeronokkan. Aku rasa sangat bahagia. Aku harap kamu juga sama. Jangan lah terjadi dan diulangi perkara yang tidak diingini lagi. Aku tidak mahu semuanya hilang. Aku mahu semuanya ada sehingga aku menutup mata.

Aku berdoa...

Ya Allah. Aku mahu terus gembira.

Monday, June 28, 2010

What I have learned from Toys....

howdy folks...
Yup! I am in my office and I have tonnes of works to be completed, but I m just not in the mood to do it.. just yet.
Emotionally, I m getting better. After a terrible 'meltdown' which I faced a few weeks ago, now everything seems to be controllable. I hope I will get better... better and greater.

Well, there are so many things which I m thinking of blurbing about. As for today, I would like to share things which I think would be beneficial! Well, at least after reading this entry, some of you would like to go and watch the movie. Yup! i am talking about TOY STORY 3.


I watched it last week with my bro. We had actually had a terrible experience the first time where the screening was cancelled after the first 15 minutes it was on. We were so dissappointed. But if it did continue, I dont think I would be enjoying it to the fullest like how I did last Saturday. So, to cut the story short, GSC refunded my money and we were given 2 complimentary passes for free movie screening. Yeah! We used the first pass, and we still have one more. I will wait for my bro to redeem it.

Hmm... TOY STORY 3 was an awesome experience. I nearly cried, but.. nah! I didnt! akeke. I was emotionally involved with the storyline and the characters. If I would choose a character to represent who I am, i would claim myself as Woody - the cowboy.

Now, what I really learn from Toy Story 3? Here it goes...

Andy!

These toys keep on repeating "we are going to serve Andy". It is kind of sad to think that Andy does not really need them anymore, but they keep on saying that. They even plan to be there for Andy and his children. The initial part, shows that these Toys are longing for Andy's attention since Andy is now a teen and he doesnt play with his toys anymore. These toys are kept in a chest in Andy's bedroom. Just to get his attention, these toys stole Andy's cellphone and made a miscall just to make Andy realise that they are still there. Their plan did work, but Andy is not interested to play with 'em anymore. It can be seen clearly how dissappointed these toys are. Rex, was so happy that Andy did touch him since he was the one with the cellphone.. huhu. They are so loyal.

The fact that they are toys and they are being played does not hinder them from being there for Andy. Even though there are being thrown away, being kicked, being given a mean bad character, but they just dont care since their mission is to serve Andy. They are being played, but their loyalty is still intact. Their mission, they want others to be happy. Even others dont need them, they still insist to be there, for others. :(

These toys are not sure on what lies for them in the future. They realise that Andy would never play with them anymore, so they were thinking of what to do or what might happen to them in the future. There are some preassumptions;

a) they will be kept in the attict.


b) they will be donated.


c) they will be thrown away as RUBBISH.

They wish that they will get the first option since it would be less tormenting. According to them, it would be ok to stay in the attict and have the time of their own. Even though they are not going to be played with, but at least they can be together and hopefully, one day, Andy would open their box and let his children play with them. Hopefully....! They were trying to say good things about the attict. They are talking about how good it is to stay there in the attict together with other things like Christmat tree decor etc etc. But in reality, they know that their life wouldnt be the same since, their role will diminish. They will be old and weary toys, Unkept, not needed and unplayed. :(

Second option would be ok, they will still be played, but they are not sure on what will happen to them. Where are they going to be donated? How the other children will treat them etc etc. If their new owner is kind enough, they will be treated well. But.. what if.... it is the opposite? hmm.. Life is so uncertain.

Lastly, they dont want to be thrown away as rubbish. Who would? So, we as human also dont want to be seen as rubbish. To be thrown away, and be kept as 'rubbish' and waiting for the right time to be decayed. It hurts. So I could feel them. :(

There toys really reflect reality. Its about how we should continue on living. When we lost something, we should keep on walking and continue on. Plan ahead and whatever might happen we might face them. Loyalty is the key thing here. Even if you think that you are not needed anymore, you must keep to your own role. What might happen, what will happen, nothing is going to change. Appreciate those who would be dear to us, who needs us. ... erm erm erm..

It hurts so much when your role is being replaced by others.





Yup! There is this one character in TOY STORY 3 (the pink bear -i cant recall his name) where he felt unneeded and he has become a villain. He used to be hugged, kissed and loved. Until one day, he and a couple of friend were left behind, accidently. They were trying very hard to get back to the one that is so dear to them, but their effort seem useless when finally, they realise that their role has been given or taken away by someone else, another toy. They had finally become evil and true smile has dissappeared since then. It feels really bad when what used to be yours is being taken away. It cuts deep. So. I would never do that! Insyallah. Dont "bila dapat gading bertuah, tanduk tidak berguna lagi!"

yadda yadda..

There are actually lots more. I just dont have much time to put them here. But I would recommend you to watch it. I m thinking of watching it again. Do pay attention to the last part. It means a lot. Look at those toys faces when finally Andy played with them for the last time before he departs to college. They look fullfilled and satisfied since they have been longing for his touch. I nearly cried to watch that part. They are toys, they are being played but its ok, as long as they can serve people. So , go and watch TOY STORY 3, and try to feel them and dig deep the meaning of each of their statement and of course from the storyline. Please go and enjoy the movie k.

TOY STORY 3........ I give 4.5 stars since I nearly cried. huhuhuhu...

ps: I was chucked several times by my bro. but he was wrong, I didnt fall asleep. Toy Story 3 is too beautiful to be missed.


.................................................................................. end ..........................................................................




















Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I m not OK today


Hi


Not in a very good mood today. (since 2 days ago, actually!) Feel so lonely, and it feels worse than before.


What has become of me. I smsed my dear friend, Ab, and told him how I feel. According to him, it is normal. it is what he refers to as early 30's syndrom. He has passed that age long ago. I guess I need to see him so that I can get some tips on how to overcome that sydrome once in for all. HOw I wish, he is here.


I do realize now that I m not an independant guy anymore. But now, i would say that I have become a very dependant guy. I would always crave for company. If before I would go watch movie alone, but now, I just cant. id rather stay home if I have no company. And to tell you the truth, I have no company here, in penang. Everybody seems busy with their own business and I m too damn lazy to go out and make new friends. Yes, I m bored to death.


Once in a while I would contact my bro, but he is busy with his life too and I shouldnt bother him too much - eventhough I want him to accompany me, but I must face the fact that he has his own life.


.......................................................................


I was assigned as the invigilator today. That class looked so annoying. I hated that class so much! Even for invigilation, but there was something -ve about that class. The students looked rather arrogant. One of them was swearinng terribly to i dont know who. But certainly, that class had.... an eerie look. So I hope next sem I will not be asked to teach them.


......................................................................



My bro called me as cekeding since I m a bit skinny. It is not my choice to be skinny. It is not good at all. I cant wear most of my shirts, pants and jeans. Even if i wear them, I would have bulges here and there. It is not good at all.


.....................................................................


there are many things i would want to write, but... I just dont feel OK.. hmm...



hey you! I LOVE YOU!! can you hear me?



T_T

Thursday, May 13, 2010

of me and my dot dot dot life..


Woho! I m so damn old now. huhu! last nite went to watch movie. Ironman and Crazies. Nak tahu tak... Ironman tu aku tak tengok pun! Aku just duduk dalam cinema and tido. haha! So i paid rm5 just untuk dapatkan ekon. Aku akan terjaga sekali sekala bila my bro 'menyiku' kan aku. Itu la fungsi dia kalau tgk movie ngan aku, dia akan 'sikukan' aku kalau dia rasa aku tidak bergerak. haha! maka aku pun akan terjaga, untuk seketika, dan tido semula. Dia akan sikukan semula, pastu aku terjaga, aku sikukan dia (revenge!!) pastu aku tido semula.

Well.. that is who I have become. I usually could stand movie marathon, 5 movies in a row, but now, satu movie pun aku dah tido. And banyak plak kenangan kat dalam cinema. Terlanggar tiang la, stoking berbau la, tgk horror movie dalam cinema kosong la.. mcm2. Tapi semalam, for sure, aku terjaga bila dengar letupan kat screen je, yang selainnya, yang aku ingat cumalah aku disiku, kepala ku terlentok ke minah disebelah (bersama bf dia yang sangat sihat!!) selainnya aku cuma nampak ironman terbang macam pondan. haha. pastu meletup pongpang pongpang, last skali lampu terpasang. So sangat berbaloi bayar RM5. pastu masa The Crazies, mmg aku terjaga, tapi menjelang 1/4 terakhir aku rasa sangatletih, sangat letih, dan letih... dan klekuk!!! aku kena siku lagi! huhu. haha.. pastu aku terjaga sampai abis.. lalalala

skarng ni nak g memana dah senang dah coz aku dah ada driver. tak sabar la aku nak hand over stereng tu pada dia agar aku bleh tido. Lambatnya rasa dia nak dapat lesen. Dia dah boleh bawak kreta, just dia teragak2 je lagi. Tak lama lagi tu, terer la tu. wuhuhu. skrang ng jadi masalah ialah kat bulatan dan kat traffic light. Dia selalu pindah lorong masa kat tengah simpang. Itu agak berbahaya juga coz kereta selalunya akan kejar lampu hijau, so takut nanti, tak ternampak... kebabow plak. tapi takpa, teringat plak masa aku memula drive dulu. Mind you, aku tak pernah pegang stereng selain stereng keta memandu. Blejar, belajar, belajar.. akhirnya den dapat. Walaupun aku dapat lesen kete hanya pada umur 23, tapi ok la. and the best part is, aku beli kereta apa semua, semua aku uruskan sendri. Orang lain tak amik kesah pun. So skrang kalau orang tanya kenapa dulu masa beli kerete ko tak itu ini itu ini.. aku dia je. dorang tak tahu yang masa aku beli keta dulu aku haram apa pun tak tau pasal kreta. and masa nak bawa keta balik umah tu, hanya Allah je yang tahu, betapa takutnya aku. Semua buat sorang. nak ajak orng itu, orng ini semua busy. last2 aku g je sendiri. huhu.. dapat juga kete aku ni.

ok... tadi aku tereksiden bawa dvd gegambo aku ke opis. walaupun keja banyak, tapi aku terpanggil untuk buka gegambo tu. aksi2 aku dan kawan2 ku yang aku chentai! wowowowo! I miss you guys la. wowowow

p/s: gambo tidak ada kena mengena dengan post aku ok. huhu!!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

i am special..but I am not THAT special...


I am special... but I am not THAT special.......







if not... I would know things that other people wouldnt know the thing that I know...



You can hug someone, but you cant ask that person to hug you in return....
Its one free will to do as they wish.... all you can offer is...... your very best!

so...

I am special.... but NOT THAT SPECIAL.....



sad but true....



Y_Y

Monday, May 10, 2010

...of many things that I need and I missed...


Halo! It has been ages since I last put up something here. I miss blurting some thoughts here. how I wish I can be as "loyal" as Paten in writing her blog. Her blog doesnt only look good, it is entertaining too. You go girl. keep em coming ya!


Ok! First of all, Happy Mother's dDy to all moms out there. Even though I had never wished my mom such, but I would surely call or went home to see her on this special day. However, this year, obviously she is no longer with me, so I couldnt go home and see her. But, I did send my prayers for her, not just on this special day, but everyday. I do hope that Allah would grant my prayer even though I do realise that I have sinned A LOT!. Dear God. I miss her.


Hmm .... last week , I was so busy with my works. Marks are to be keyed in and submitted today. I didnt have enough sleep just to complete all those. I skipped some meals, or at least just grabbed something light. Last week, I had Cheezel and Mocha. Nice!!! owh! How I miss my cuppa (capu in front of the lawn near UNSW library). Busy with works. I m getting skinnier. huhu! it is not somthing that I should proud of!


This week, I m so damn lucky I received a "pemeriksa jemputan". Hehe. He helped me to mark piles of test papers. I m very grateful and thankful that my "pemeriksa jemputan" is willing enough to let all his easy going and enjoyable time go and help me with the markings. I just dont know what to say. I m so damn lucky. I owe him big time.


Last week, eventhough I was so damn busy, but I was happy since I got to know a very special news. My bro is finally working his way with someone special. I m so gald to hear that. My bro is a special one. I would do anything just to make him happy. When I heard about the news, I was just so happy! I smiled all day. You mean a lot to me bro. It would give me heaven just to know that you are happy. And I want you to be happy for real!


There are many things that I would love to spill out here, but just that, some of them are rather inappropriate. I m thinking of opening a new blog where it would be my REAL story where I can just say what I want to say. I hope I would find the courage to do so.


Anyway, I m do damn lucky to have a very supportive brother. You mean a lot to me bro. thanks a mill for what you have done. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

THis week, I m going to have a very special project with DMT. Wait and see. I do hope the project would come true.


Till then...


c ya..

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

aku dan MACAM MACAM


kisah 1:
Pagi tadi dlm pejalanan balik dari kelas aku jumpa seorang student lelaki. Dia pakai cekak rambut. Aku tegur.. "wah bagus la awak. Lepas ni jangan lupa masuk Miss World ya!"
Kisah 2:
Aku bangun pagi and tetiba nak cakap I love you, so I cakap I love you pada ramai orang. Sampaikan ada yang terkejut
Kisah 3:
Semalam ingat nak tido awal, tup2 tido lewat gak. dan tido dengan hati yang terluka. kerana aku dapat tahu sesuatu yang sangat melukakan. sampaikan hati tertanya2... adakah aku di..........? ermm..
Kisah 4:
Bangun seawal pukul 6 pagi, cuba masuk pet society tapi gagal. sedih sebab tak dapat jengok latip. Esok mesti encik adik lari dari rumah lagi.
Kisah 5:
Pagi ni semuanya mcm tah.. kosong! selalunya parking space kat bawah umah tu penuh, pagi ni semua licin.. huh! aku lambat ka?
Kisah 6:
Dapat sms good night. Happy! tapi......
Kisah 7:
Smalam g Carefour. Cadang nak bli tissue je, bila balik, tgk2 berlambak pulak aku beli.
Kisah 8:
Telefon kakak sulungku, dia menangis kat telefon coz dia rindu mak!
Kisah 9:
Rasa nak call sesorang tapi takut tak dijawab.. so.. duduk diam2!
Kisah 9:
hari ni ada meeting. Rasa nak buli student untuk gantung banner.
Kisah 10:
Perut sangat lapar. takde geng nak makan dengan aku. Rasa mcm lonely plak.
Kisah 11:
Sedang makan nasi ayam.
Kisah 12 :
Masih terluka.
Kisah 13:
Tadi jalan ikut belakang PA pengarah! Ya Allah! jalan mcm itik! lambat nak mampos!!! Hish!!
Kisah 14:
Aku rindu!
Kisah 15:
Masih lagi terluka!
Kisah 16:
Bila aku cakap sayang pada A, ianya memang bermakna sayang kerana perkataan sayang itu sangat besar maknanya pada aku.
Kisah 17:
Seronok juga bergosip kat opis. dah berbakul dah dosa aku buat! wuhuhu! aDoyai!!
Kisah 18:
Nasi ayam yang aku makan tak sedap. Tapi lapo.. aku balun jugak le.
Kisah 19:
Aku terluka.
Kisah 20:
Aku sayang kamu. Kamu........? bagaimana?
waaa.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a aku gila!!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

kerinduan seorang kekasih

___________________________________________________________________
Yazid: Sir pernah mimpi mak sir tak?
tuan abang: Tak pernah! tapi memori dia sangat kuat. Tak hilang rasanya. Kehilangan dia mmg kuat rasanya. Dah takda dah kekasih saya...
___________________________________________________________________


Aku sangat penat. Jam di handphone menunjukkan pukul 1245 pagi. Aku masih la bersms dengan pelajarku, adik dan juga kakakku. Terngiang-ngiang suara kakak ku petang tadi "Dua tiga hari ni Cikpah teringat sangat pada mak. Malam esok kita buat kenduri ya." "ok" jawabku laju dan cuba menukarkan topic. Sms student ku tidak ku balas.

Ramainya orang kat mall ni. Kiri kanan orang berjalan. Ada sale mungkin. Kakak sulungku sedang makan di food court. Aku harus balik dulu. ku berjalan keluar dari mall itu. Tidak semena-mena, aku terdengar orang mengaji. Suara itu sangat familiar. Siapa yang sedang mengaji?

Aku kenal benar suara tu. Itu suara mak. Eh? mak? Ya! Itu suara mak! Di mana. Semakin kuat suara itu. Aku berlari masuk ke dalam mall. Aku cari. Mana mak? mana dia? aku redah orang ramai! aku sudah tidak peduli, Itu suara mak. Ya itulah suara mak sedang mengaji Al-Quran seperti yang aku dengar selalu. di waktu maghrib selepas solat. Di waktu siang selepas zohor dan kadangkala di waktu subuh selepas solat. Itu suara mak! tapi mak dimana/

Mak? Mak telah tiada. Mak telah kembali menemui Penciptanya. Ah? Betul! aku sendiri yang mengiri janazahnya hingga kekuburan. Aku menyaksikan segalanya. Bisik hatiku!

Aku rindu suara itu. Air mata jatuh sangat laju. Aku tidak tahan lagi. Orang ramai di sekeliling memerhatiku. Aku tidak peduli. Itu suara mak.

Lantas aku berlari menuju je food court. kakak sulungku sedang makan, aku tidak peduli. Aku terus memeluk dia. Aku menangis semahunya. Air mata terud menitis suara mak mengaji semakin kuat.

"Kak Chaq. Itu suara mak!", kataku pada kakak ku. Kakakku turut menangis. Kami berpelukan disitu. tudung kakakku basah kerana airmataku.

Suara itu makin kuat. Sangat kuat, aku tidak tahan lagi. Aku sangat rindukan suara itu. Aku rindukan mahu bersalaman dengan pemiliknya. Aku mahu mencium pipinya. Aku mahu mendengar suaranya di hujung minggu membangunkan aku untuk ke pasar. Mahu mahu makan semeja dangannya. Aku mahu melihatnya senyum walaupun dia berduka. Aku rindukan rungutannya dan leterannya. Aku mahu mendengar suaranya. Aku mahu pulang ke rumah, memberi salam dan dia menyambut salam ku. Aku mahu balik ke rumah dan lihat dia tersenyum padaku. Setidaknya dia sedang solat didalam bilik seperti selalu. Aku rindukan ikan masin masak asam yang dia masak. Aku masih teringat lambaian dia setiap kali aku mahu pulang. Aku rindu ingin mendail telefon dan mendengar suaranya. Aku rindukan berbalah dengan mak. Aku rindukan bau mak. Aku rindukan berbual dengan mak. Aku rindu mak!!

aku berlari keluar dari mall itu. Air mata aku bercucuran laju. Aku tidak peduli. Aku berlari. Suara mak makin kuat. Sangat jelas. Itu memang suara mak mengaji. Tapi mak telah tiada....

Aku terjaga dari tidurku. Airmata aku masih laju jatuh. Suara mak tetibanya berhenti namun masih terngiang2 di telinga. Aku menangis lagi. Jam di handphone menunjukkan pukul 5. 30 pagi.

Ya Allah. Aku mimpikan mak. Aku terdengar suara mak dalam mimpiku. Aku sangat rindu. Dia kekasih ku. Baru sekarang aku sedar. Kenapa aku tidak sedar sedari dahulu? aku menangis lagi. Air mata semakin laju. Basah bantalku. Aku terus menangis. Rindunya aku pada mak.

Aku sedekahkan Alfatihah buat arwah. Lantas aku bangun dan mencoretkan segalanya disini. Aku mahu semua orang tahu bahawa kesakitan rindu pada seorang ibu ialah kesakitan yang sangat hebat. Aku pernah kehilangan kekasih, orang yang aku sayang. Namun, sakit kehilangan seorang ibu tiada tolok bandingnya. Sakit rindu yang sangat hebat. Mak... aku sayang mak.

Aku berdoa.. Ya Allah! Peliharalah ibuku di sana. tempatkanlah dia di samping hamba-hamba mu yang soleh. berikanlah dia kedamaian dan ketenangan. Sampaikan ya Allah, salam rinduku padanya. Kerinduan seorang kekasih. Amin.

Air mataku semakin laju.


Alfatihah buat ibuku, kekasihku, ratu hatiku, Jamaliah bt Saad.
Amin.


.........................................................................................
Oh! Ibu
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian

Dan aku
Bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat ku layarkan

Hasratku ini
Masih belum sempat
Kubuktikannya kepadamu
Ibu tersayang
Kucurahkan rasa hati

Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Kurenungkan kalimah yang diberi

Tuhan Yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih kekasihMu

Oh! Ibu
Kau kasih sejati
Kutaburkan doa
Untukmu ibu

Ampunilah dosaku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayatmu

Saat ini
Kuteruskan hidup
Tanpa bersamamu ibu

Ibu...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

One love


Another song that I love. Read and feel it! Will post the video when connection is good .
Oo yeah!

O.N.E L.O.V.E
David Guetta feat Estelle

Can anybody help me I' m outta plans
guess I left my world in somebody’s hands
I don’t like to hurt but
but everyone gets weak
someone to rely on
that’s what I really need

Now here we stay
its all that were worth
I’ve been thru the pain and been dragged thru the dirt
whatever they tell you
were bigger than words
I’ve been where your standing
I know how it hurts let this be a song now and
this be a day and we stand together well be okay
Because were survivors were making it work
expecting the best when they hope for the worst

One love - this is the way we found
One love - even though they'll let you down
One love -nobody’s perfect now
One love -don’t let that hold u down
One love - lets stick together now
One love -we got to stand our ground
One love - its easy to believe in
One love - believe in u and me
Onee loveeeeeeeee

Now I cud try and fix this all by myself
but I know it’d turn out better if u help
no one likes to hurt but
but everyone gets weak
someone to rely on
that’s what everybody needs

Now here we stay its all that were worth
I’ve been thru the pain and been dragged thru the dirt
whatever they tell you were bigger than words
I’ve been where your standing
I know how it hurts
let this be a song now and this be our day
and we stand together well be okay
Because where survivors were making it work
expecting the best when they hope for the worst



Forever in life.. that is for sure!


Somebody gave me me this song. I listen to it several times and I m loving it. Thanks.

Forever In My Life Lyrics

Uhoh yeah yeahhh ohh
The way your part of me,
I would have to re-learn everything,
If you were to leave,
So fast you make me feel like was autumn leaves,
And honestly... there a perfect explaination
Why you feel so good to say that your
[Chorus:]My love, my love, my love
I'll give you all my love if you, if you,
If you don't change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
So right, I wanna mate like you forever in my life.
I'm a stick inside a jar,
Turn the lid and set me free,
I love everything that you are,
Has a million other reasons,
But let's not go to far,
Stay, close to my heart,
When I think about the future,
I am right there where you are,
Cause you're...
[Chorus:]My love, my love, my love
I'll give you all my love if you, if you,
If you don't change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
So right, I wanna mate like you to say you're,
My love, my love, my love
I'll give you all my love if you, if you,
If you don't change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
So right, I wanna a mate like you forever in my life.
I know, that you, would never leave me hanging,
Hanging out to dry in the wind,
I know that we haven't seen the worst of it,
But when we do, I promise you we'll stick it out together.
[Chorus: x2]My love, my love, my love
I'll give you all my love if you, if you,
If you don't change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
So right, I wanna mate like you forever in my life.
So right, I wanna mate like you forever in my lifeeeeee...

I am...

...... lonely.... the one that I love doesnt care for me anymore. enough said....
T_T

Inikah cara anak menebus dosa mengabaikan ibu bapa??


بسم الله الرحمن الرحي م

السلام عليكم


Abah berwasiat supaya kubur abah dan mak jangan dijadikan mangsa "penebus rasa bersalah" anak-anak. Maksudnya begini: Semasa ibu dan bapa masih hidup, anak-anak mengabaikan tanggungjawab mereka atas pelbagai alasan (sila rujuk kitab-kitab muktabar tentang tanggungjawab anak terhadap ibubapa) - alasan sibuk dengan urusan dunia yang tak akan habis sampai bila-bila, sibuk dengan urusan anak, isteri/suami masing-masing, sibuk dengan itu dan ini, hingga lah "tiba-tiba" salah seorang atau kedua-dua ibubapa mereka diperintah Allah untuk kembali kepadaNya.....


(sebenarnya tak ade kematian yang mengejut atau tiba-tiba - setiap kematian itu telah dirancang Allah lama sebelum manusia itu dijadikanNya.... "tiba-tiba" itu hanya "tuduhan" manusia kerana bukankah kita rasa seronok hidup! Malahan pujangga dengan angkuhnya mendeklamasikan "aku mahu hidup 1,000 tahun lagi!)... Dalam kesedihan kerana kematian mereka, timbul lah rasa bersalah si anak kerana telah mengabaikan mereka semasa hayat, maka dilakukanlah perkara-perkara seperti berikut:


1. upah orang bacakan Al Quran 40 hari, 40 malam (anak tidak pulak membacanya kerana maklum lah sibuk belaka....)


2.. upah orang bina kubur yang tercantik dan terhebat ("mak/abah memang patut diberi penghargaan ini kerana jasa mereka kepada aku"...)


3. tabur berbagai-bagai bunga atas kubur ("aku sayangkan mak/abah"... walhal semasa hidup mereka, sekuntum bunga pun tidak pernah dihadiahkan!)


4. cetak kitab Yaasin (siap tulis kat kulit depan "sempena kematian ibu/bapaku tersayang....") dan edarkan kepada masjid - macamlah surau dan masjid tak cukup-cukup kitab Yaasin


5. buat kenduri panggil "orang masjid" bacakan doa tahlil (maklum lah, anak tak sempat mendoakan ibubapanya. lagi pun "doa orang masjid ni lebih berkat"....)


6. buat pelbagai kenduri "hari peringatan ke-3, ke-7, tahun ke-47....." kematian ibubapa


7. sedekah pisang kat masjid.........


8.. buat upah umrah setiap tahun (walhal dulu semasa hayat mereka, langsung "takde bajet nak hantar mak/abah gi umrah"; lagi pun keperluan umrah itu hanya sekali sepanjang hayat sahaja!)


Selepas itu boleh lah si anak tidur lena dan sempat pula membidas adik beradik lain dengan berkata, "aku dah tunaikan tanggungjawab aku pada bapak/mak. Kau tak buat ke?"


Abah panggil semua ini sebagai "sindrom penebus rasa bersalah"- kerana "dulu aku tak buat semua itu, maka sekarang aku dah buat semua ini, jadi aku tak bersalah lagi!"..... Kalau inilah yang bakal terjadi kepada abah dan mak, maka abah berwasiat di sini, TAK PAYAH LAH anak-anak abah bersusah payah membuat pelbagai justifikasi dengan sindrom penebus rasa bersalah..... memadai lah diselitkan satu ayat yang tak sampai satu nafas nak menyebutnya -

"Ya Allah, ampunkan lah ibu bapa ku".


Takde belanja wang ringgit, tak payah cari orang, tak payah susahkan diri.


Sempurnakan solat (wajib untuk penebus diri sendiri masing-masing) dan doa lah meminta apa-apa dari Allah (untuk mendapat penebus diri sendiri masing-masing) dan selitkan lah ayat di atas(sebagai penebus diri sendiri dan untuk keselamatan ibubapa di alam barzah dan alam akhirat). Abah doakan apa-apa amal jariah yang abah dan mak lakukan dan apa-apa ilmu bermanfaat yang abah dan mak ajarkan kepada sesiapa pun dan diamalkannya - agar semua ini diterima Allah sebagi pelaburan kami di akhirat.


Semoga semua anak-anak yang lahir dari sulbi kami menyempurnakan janji-janji mereka kepada Allah untuk menjadi hamba-hambaNya yang beramal soleh. Itu lah 3 harta yang akan mengiringi kami ke kubur dan tinggal kekal menemani kami sehingga kiamat........ Ambil iktibar dari lampiran di bawah.


Larangan dari Rasulullah shallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam: Dari Jabir radhiyallahu 'anhu, dia berkata,


"Rasulullah shallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam telah melarang kuburan dikapur (di simen), dijadikan tempat duduk, dan juga didirikan bangunan diatasnya.." (Hadith Riwayat Imam Muslim)


Dan membawa bunga-bungaan / jambak-jambak bunga dan seumpamanya bersama jenazah adalah diharamkan yang telah menular di kalangan orang-orang Islam kerana mengikuti adat-adat orang kafir dan Melayu kunoh dalam upacara-upacara jenazah mereka. Juga kerana perbuatan tersebut boleh mensia-siakan harta tanpa faedah dan memberi makna bermegah-megah dan berbangga.


Manakala hukumnya adalah haram jika kubur dibina menggunakan marmar (marble) dan seumpamanya, kerana amat berlawanan dengan ajaran Rasulullah shallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam, juga kerana terdapat pembaziran harta yang ditegah syarak serta terdapat sifat bermegah dan menunjuk yang amat dimurkai Allah subhanahuwata'ala.


Ali bin Abi Talib radhiyallahu 'anhu berkata kepada Abi Hayyaj Al-Asadi,


"Tidakkah kamu mahu aku utuskan kamu untuk melakukan perkara yang aku diutuskan oleh Rasulullah untuk melakukan? Kamu hendaklah meruntuhkan semua berhala dan meratakan semua kubur yang ditinggikan orang."

(Hadith Riwayat Imam Muslim)


Firman Allah dalam surah Al-Hujurat ayat 6 yang Tafsirnya:


"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jika datang kepada kamu seorang fasik membawa sesuatu berita, maka selidikilah (untuk menentukan) kebenarannya, supaya kamu tidak menimpakan sesuatu kaum dengan perkara yang tidak diingini - dengan sebab kejahilan kamu (mengenainya) - sehingga menjadikan kamu menyesali apa yang kamu telah lakukan."



Wallahualam...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

serabut serabai and everything in between...


dah lama tak jenguk ke blog. tengok2 ada orang kasi award la plak. huhu! terharu nih! bukan mudah le orang nak kasi award neh. boleh letak dalam resume tak? beutiful blog awards.. huhuhu..


design wise, i dont think i deserve it, but content i dont know. may be just MAYBE orang yang kasi tu rasa ada something kat content ni kot. Hmm. well as I would say, I just spill all my tot here. Language wise, kalau rajin aku semak, kalau tak, ate lantak je le...


last few weeks mmg aku berada dalam state kritikal. even now pun. airmata menjadi sangat murah. mood sangat mudah swing and sangat mudah tersentuh. aku dah lama tangguh nak post cerita pasal akhir hayat mak aku, tapi asyik tertangguh. bila taip sikit, mata jadi kabur coz air mata bergenang. selama ni aku ingat aku kuat, rupanya aku tidak.... hmm..


2-3 minngu ni juga menyaksikan betapa teruknya aku dikerah bekerja. tak cukup tido, tak cukup makan. badan makin cengkung sampai ada orang kata aku ambil drug! hell no! check la my urine kalau tak percaya.


last weekend, kawan2 yang sungguh baik hati pakat turun mai penang! i had great time. For once, in a couple of weeks, i manage to smile , and that was for sure. kalau tak aku murung je and FB le jadi kawan. Main pet society sampai tak ingat dunia. tapi 2-3 minggu ni tak sempat dah nak masuk FB lelama. Tido tak cukup, makan tak cukup... wuh!!! layak la aku jadi panda... mata hitam..


erm... ni plak jadual aku 2-3 menjak ni. ada orang kata aku ni pentingkan kerja daripada diri sendiri. I just want that person to know that I need to work to stay alive. I need to work to gain income so that aku boleh belanja, makan, minum and bayar hutang. So i need to work. And to tell you the truth, what I have now, mmg tak cukup. So i need to do part time job. Kalau mcm Mimin tu aku akn sangat gembira, balik je dari study dah boleh tangkap civic. aku ni? nak tangkap beskal pun tak mampu. so camno??


I m rethinking about my career. Mcm stagnant and tak de perubahan. I m thinking of making a change. Pindah, tapi kalau dalam sistem yang sama buat apa? bila plak aku nak merasa pakai civic (aku tak minat civic, sorry... saje je nak buat contoh!) aku lebih kepada toyota.
camry? no way! its going to be a waste.. toyota yang murah2 sudah la... huhu.. aku tak suka kereta lebar, tapi aku suka kepada kereta yang tinggi.

ada banyak lagi aku nak tulis tapi aku kena g kelas lah. hmmm



serabut, serabai dan semua yang seangkatan... hmm....

Monday, March 15, 2010

This song touches me DEEP now! At this very moment!


"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Thursday, March 4, 2010

of my bro and his talentime..

Hallo... I cant sit still tonight since I got to know that my bro is going to participate in a karaoke competition aka Talentime at his college. I was waiting for him to give me green light to call him just wanna give him some advice. Today, I did call him. I was in my class when we gave me the green light to call, so I gave my students a task to work on, and I made a quick call to my bro. He will be singing 2 songs ( 1 malay, 1 english). English song would be his forte, so I have no need to worry! However, malay song would be a problem to him. He loves Faizal Tahir, however, I keep on asking him not to sing Faizal's song since they are all very high and they need the singer to push their lungs out (figuratively ok!).

I sang with my bro several times, obviously I dont have the singing talent. But I know a thing or two about singing ok. My bro has a very jazzy clean voice. Very nice. However he can ot sing high note. When it reaches high note, his voice becomes so tight. And my bro's personality too. he is not the jumping up and down type of guy! he is very decent! Even during our karok session, he would control his movement. In contrast, I would be running up and down the sofa! haha. that is so me!

Well to tell you the truth, when I was still young ( YEARSSSSSSS) ago, I did praticipate in a singing competition. Singing used to be my forte! I was ketua nasyid ok! I had my own nasyid group. It was yearssss ago! for the competition, I did not win. I fought with another competitor since he stole my song! Grr...! After that, when I reach maturity, I loose the ability so sing since my voice has become croaky! hehe. That's the truth.

Ok... back to my bro's case. Tonight he will be singing and he has no idea on what to wear! Well obviously I m the one who always commented on his dressing, so today I advised him on what to wear. He insisted in wearing a berel. So I had to include the berel in his to-wear list!

However, he has to sing in front of the library and there is no place for him to get change. I couldnt stop thinking about it and hoping that he would call me again so we can discuss the matter over.

Just now, around 8 something while I was vacuuming my house, I checked my hp and I received an sms from him, asking about what to wear! I was lost! I couldnt really imagine him in the shirt that he described to me. I really need to see him so that I can comment. He tried to mms his photos wearing those shirts, unfortunately, those mms failed to reach me. Suddenly, I got an idea. I dug in my wardrobe and tada! These are the result!


This is my first suggestion! But this is rather tedious since he has to change his shirt.

This is the set that we have decided for English song. He will wear a berel together with this set.

,
This is the set for his malay song! huhu! He might be wearing a berel too.

These, however, would be my own imagination and rendition! I m waiting for the real photo from him..

By the way, all the best bro. I know you love it so much! yup! you and singing can be NEVER separated. You need to practice more, i mean Malay song! And I am willing to accompany you! Jom karok!

By the way.. I m so sorry bro since during CNY we did not have proper karok session ,where you could have practiced for your competition. I am terribly sorry. T_T


Tonight, I m losing my voice. Why? Sore throat and heavy coughing.

To my brother..... ALL THE BEST! I AM EXPECTING A GOOD NEWS.!

Insyallah! ^_^


P/s: My bro is going to compete, but I am the one who has shivers down to my spine. How i wish I could be the and support him.... owh yes... with a banner and not to forget my loud wail..... GOOOOOOOOOOOO CIPOLLLLLLLLL! haha

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

All Good Things...

Haida lent me her CDs. In one of them I found this song. I love it! .... It is sung by Nelly Furtado.

Enjoy its lyrics... it means deep. really DEEP!
All Good Things (Come To An End)

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus:]Flames to dust

Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

[Chorus]

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

[chorus]

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could DIE

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I know what you did last CNY! pt 1

Dear all.


I dont know how to describe the joy that I had last week. I didnt have full 7 days holiday like the rest of school teachers, but I did enjoy it! even not to the fullest. By any chance I would love to extend it, but the problem is ...I couldnt! T_T. Here, in this limited space, I 'll try my best to describe the short holiday that I had. Tiring.. indeed.

Friday ( 12 February 2010)


The day started as usual. Tiring! I had to go to work and got to settle tonnes of works (again as usual!) however that day I was so highly spirited. My bro was coming home. Yeay! I miss his company a lot. He had a week holiday and he had bought expensive ticket too. I usually stay alone at home, with his company at least I am not that bored. There would always be somebody to disturb. He was free that Friday even though at first he said he had test, he had quiz, he had class, but around 10 am, I received a very beautiful mms from him. OMG! He was working on a project. He was so busy with his artsy project. If I am not mistaken, he has to prepare 22 artworks for the whole semester. Gosh! Since he is taking PSV (Visual Arts Education) no wonder la he has to work so hard. And I do understand his situation. I had worked on artworks also before and to tell you the truth I couldnt sleep just because of that. My case would be a bit different. I couldnt work if the sun is out and about. So I will start working after midnite. So I couldnt sleep, of course.




My bro's work! nice eh? *2 thumbs up*

Back to the story, my bro took a train from Seremban to KL. He did arrive in KL early. His bus to Penang was scheduled to be around 4.30. UNFORTUNATELY, his bus had been postponed from an hour to 4 HOURS. He was so pissed off. To add in the excitement, he realised that the price that he had to pay for the ticket was much more expensive than other passengers. He had to be there for hours and all he got to know was that he had to pay more. gosh! Buses these days! Around 7.30++ the bus did arrive and off he departed from the smelly and hot PUDU. In the bus he did blab a bit, but after that he dozed off, (actually he did not, but his phone was! haha).

My sister called me around 9.00pm asking me to arrive at my kampung earlier since my mum was planning to have a kenduri. I dared not drive after 12 am since I would surely know that my eyes would not even stay open even for 5 mins. So I told her that I would arrive at my kampung after suboh!

My bro arrived in Butterworth around 1 am. At that time I was on my bed, trying to sleep. Upon receiving his call, I woke up and off to fetch him at the bus terminal. He was so tired. I was tired too. When we arrived home, off to bed! zzzzz

Saturday ( 13 February 2010)

I woke up really early since my mom wanted me to arrive home early. I tried to wake by bro. I insisted him to follow me since I know there will be tonnes of food prepared for the kenduri. Well to tell you the truth, when there is a kenduri at my house, and when my eldest sister, Kak Chaq and my sis in law, Kak Yang, are around, they would surely prepare delicacies. Usually there would always be many leftovers. Hmm.. that was why I wanted my bro to join me since I know my bro loves food A LOT!. If he stayed at my 'rumah burung' alone, there was definitely no food available and he had to go and buy some. After some attempts, my bro couldnt get up! My sister called me and kinda gave me a slight angry tone since I hadnt arrived. So, I resulted in going home alone without my bro. My bro was still sleeping. I was a bit pissed off, but what to do, he was tired. So I let him slept. I rushed back to my kampung, Parit Buntar.

When I arrived, it was around 8.oo am, I was so shocked to see that there were only 3 cars. Baak's volvo, B.Jun's wira and K.Chaq's Spectra. Where were the rest! I thought they were all ready for the kenduri. As I stepped into the living room, I felt like exploding. Why? Most of the males in my family were still sleeping! wargh!!!! Felt like burning the house. I was rushing madly just to think that every body was awake and ready to roll, but then... sigh! I was so frustrated. Luckily nothing bad happened to me (since I was speeding like mad on my way back! sigh)... frust and mad indeed. I kept quite for like an hour! Like I always do! :p

The ladies were all getting prepared for the kenduri and they were all in the kitchen cutting this and that, frying this and that. Baak was awake and he asked me to help him with the rock mellon.

This is rock mellon (if you havent seen one before.)
The peeled rock mellons

For the kenduri, the rock mellons were freshly picked from their farm in Puchong. My bro in law grows them. He wants orang kampung to try them. He brought home all the way from Puchong. That morning I was incharged of peeling off the skin of these rock mellons. To tell you the truth the skin is rather thick. huhu! But it was an easy job!

After that, as usual, I couldnt sit still. I must keep my hand on something. I must do something. To just sit there and do nothing would definitely not me. So I started to gibble here and there and finally, I was the one incharged of the dining table and I had to prepare the table for breakfast.

Some of the food for brekky! (havent been arranged just yet. lambak je!)

As i mentioned earlier there were tonnes of food. For breakfast we had nasi lemak, satay, cakes, this and that....! The table was full with food. Once everybody got ready, around 9.30 we had our breakfast.

My anak2 sedara were having their brekky by the paddy field!

Owh, not to forget, before that Kakak and EE arrived from Klang. Two more cars were added in front of my mom's house. Now the compound was full with cars. EE had to stop several times along the way since the highway was full with traffic. He nearly hit the car in front of him since he was so sleepy. The traffic jam was bad. So he had to stop like 4 times. Stopped and went to sleep. Fortunately, all my family members were able to make it before the kenduri. My makcik, pakcik, pak long, pak ngah, all of them made it to the kenduri. My mom was so happy! It had been her doa' since our previous kenduri.

Talking about our prevoius kenduri in 2008, to tell you the truth, we (the whole family) were VERY dissappointed since it was not properly organised. The kenduri doa selamat which meant for me (as that time I was leaving to further my study in sydney) and for my mum since she had just recovered from a terrible sickness, did not turn out well. Guests did not turn up! Only some managed to attend. There were many food left. My mom was sad! And becoz of that, she planned another kenduri which happened last CNY. This time around, the kenduri was a success!! My mum smiled all the way!

2b continued...