Sunday, June 21, 2009

I was jogging when this song came up.....

I was jogging when this song came up. It struck me like a lightning.

For once, I sat down, and...... (*sigh*)

~I m not THAT strong!~

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
namun ini hanya ada di bibir
di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban hidupku
biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

To those who in need...

"Let It Be Me"

There may come a time, a time in everyones life
Where nothin seems to go your way
Where nothing seems to turn out right
There may come a time, you just cant seem to find your place
For every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face
Thats when you need someone, someone that you can call.
And when all your faith is gone
Feels like you cant go on
Let it be me
Let it be me
If its a friend that you need
Let it be me
Let it be me
Feels like your always commin on home
Pockets full of nothin and you got no cash
No matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand
Reach out for something and they slap your hand
Now i remember all to well
Just how it feels to be all alone
You feel like youd give anything
For just a little place you can call your own
Thats when you need someone, someone that you can call
And when all your faith is gone
Feels like you cant go on
Let it be me
Let it be me
If its a friend you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Love his music.. Ray Lamontagne.

His songs are all so meaningful. I just simply love them all. So calming and relaxing and...real!

Ray Lamontagne
Empty Lyrics
She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows with
her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

Walk on down the hill
Through the grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Of these cutthroat busted sunsets
These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary
If through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair
Let fall the flowers from your hair
And kiss me with that country mouth so plain
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
To me it sounds like they're applauding us
The quiet love we've made

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Well I looked my demons in the eye
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me

There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes and some already dead who walk beside me
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
Well it's the hurt I hide that
fuels the fires inside me

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Mother .......?

I hope it will make me stay awake.... the whole night! la la la...

it made me smile... so manomantic!

I am having writer's block since last night. I have started typing my assignment since a few days ago. However, once I read it, I realized that I was talking nonsense. I was so .... out. So, last night I decided to go to the movie and watch "I love you, Man."

No! Dont get me wrong! and dont literally read the title and judge. It is not about homosexuality. It is about a guy who is so busy working, and he has been mixing with many girls, and finally he realizes that he does not have a best male friend! He has got some male friends, but none of them can be regarded as his best male friend. His mission is to try to go out with as many male species as possible and try to find a true 'male best friend!' This is definitely a movie which I can relate too. Really! huhu.

My advice... go watch and laugh!

I was laughing rather loudly, until the old couple sat next to me said " You did enjoy the movie, didnt you?"

hahaha! I did!!!


I LOVE YOU, MAN. . . . (5 stars) ------ for being so manomantic!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Gambar awek ku...

Presenting... Cik Ca... yang menemani aku sentiasa sekarang! I love you Ca!
Tanpa mu aku... mati! OWh! Happily ever after!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Posh? Am I? Posho!

My really close friend, back in Malaysia, would always refer me as a posh guy! What? Posh? According Oxford Dictionary, posh means:
1. Elegant and expensive.
2. Stylish.

So which one does she refer me to? I don’t know. I don’t see myself as posh. I just simply wear or buy what I like. And, as mentioned in my previous post, I am a smart buyer. So, bargain is my mission. Anyway, my new friends might not know me that much, but she (my best friend) has known me for ages, and she knows what type of guy I am. Might be it is how she views me, that makes me posh. Haha! And I have just realised that those high class and stylish people are being called as posho! Am I a posho?

Ok! So I had some chats with couple of friends. We talked about hantaran kahwin. For me, I want everything to be a surprise. I m NOT gonna go and buy something, which later will be decorated and they will be returned back to me? Apa ni? What is the purpose of doing so? Haiyo! What a waste. I would love the girl’s side, buy things for me, and I don’t know about them. So that, later I’ll be surprised.

But then, my friend said, what if they buy me things that I don’t like. Hmm.. It does make sense. What if they give me a football boot? What about a fishing rod, or petroleum voucher? Owh no! I’ll lose my posh-iness! Haha. No.. My point is, it is kind of difficult for people to understand my taste. And that is why I have never ever received presents. Haha! EH! I did. Some!...

Some presents... hmm... yeah! I m going to throw them away tomorrow. ! A bonia belt and wallet. Owh! Come on! Since she is now no longer attached to me, so I can kutuk! OMG! I am in my twenties and she gave me BONIA? Owh! My! Come on! Bonia is meant for pensioners, meant for elderly, senior people. I was trying to give her some clues that.. Hallo! Takdak brand lain ka? But she just didn’t get it! Then, kalau kata lebih2, merajuk. So... pakai je la. But tomorrow, officially, I’ll dump them! La la la ! so happy! So, what would be ‘my brands’? Mine is simple. Just go to Jusco! Haaaa... berlambak! I just love Padini, seed, guess, Giordano etc. Those are meant for yuppie like me. Hehe.. yuppie ke? And their price.. reasonable wei! So that is why my wardrobe penuh these brands. I did buy some brands for seniors, once in a while, ya la.. just nak ingatkan diri that I am actually getting old, but I just don’t like them. Not just yet. Give me 5 more years, then, I’ll worship Bonia. Haha.

Now ! My current fav is FCUK. Why? I don’t know! I just like it. And I m NOT into expensive brands like topman (eh? Topman mampu lagi kot?), LV, Kenneth Cole. Guzzman, Armani, Gucci, Bally bla bla since nanti tak kena gaya pulak. Dah la I am the selebet type, kang baju hebat sure orang kata, alah.. siam mari la tu.. so better not!. But I m aiming to buy some things from Gucci, Armani (maybe), paul smith, paul frank, prada, D&G and of course Zegna! Huhu. Mampu kah? Tapi I am going to wait.. sapa nak kasi aku hadiah from these brands... ada berani?

Ok ok.... dah melalut, back to the story, hantaran. Ok... my friend said, “hang ni nak branded bukan main, nanti hang suruh pihak perempuan beli, tup2 hang dapat minyak wangi Dashing! Padan muka!” BaMM! Betul juga kata member aku tu! Haha. So maybe tak jadi suruh dorang beli. But, hmm... what if I provide them with my wish list. Boleh ka? Haha

Ok! Aku bukan la riak takabbur, just that, I want people to realise how people out there perceive branded items like... as if brand is the only thing! oWh come on! It is not!

I had once worn a very cheap shirt, but my friend said “baju ko ni semua mahal2.” I did not say anything. I just smiled. Haha! Was it her, or was it me?

Owh! It getting early since it is 6am now. Hehe. So I better sign off.

To my old friends, (you know who you are) you guys know me and who I am.

To my new friends, you know me, but.... not knowing me just yet! Hahaha.

Nah! I m just kidding! I love you guys.

As a reminder: for my upcoming b’day, Gucci satu! Thanks!

Retail therapy

Retail therapy... OMG!!

It is 5am...AGAIN... and I am as fresh as a pickle. Hehe. Owh! My!
First of all, I really need to adjust my body-clock! It is getting hay-wire. I read somewhere, in order for someone to change or alter their body-clock he or she has to expose the back of his/her knee too bright light. Owh my! Somebody! Please lend me your torchlight. Ok! I guess later lah.

Owh! Today I went shopppinggggg! Yeah! Sounds so fag, but I just can’t help it. I m sooo used to it! I would spend some money when I am down or frustrated. So, today, I went shopping! I was like OMG... OMG... OMG here and there. I don’t know, what sale it is, but certainly sale... people... help me!

I guess I m not going to NZ since the swine flu has been perceived as pandemic. Obviously, it would be much worse. So, instead, I can do some more shopping.

Now... people.... not that I am girlish, I don’t but girly things, just that I want to have new life. I want to start new life. I want to become the improved and better zaki. I don’t want to be the same old me. Lame!

Ok.... I went empty handed. I was carrying my bag – as usual- nothing else. After ‘hawking’ around for hours... guess what? I had bags.... all over me. But, I don’t care, I am happy! What did I buy? Good question!

1. 2 Fossil Wallet – one for me, and the other, I don’t know! Actually I like both, I couldn’t decide, so I bought both. Reason, nak kasi orang. Lame!
2. Giordano shirt! I don’t know what is wrong with Australian. In Malaysia, people have to kumpul duit to buy Giordano, but here, Giordano is like... nothing. So I bought la, Since I like the shirt!
3. Blaq belt.- whoa! This belt is reversible. So, if I am bored, I can always pusing. Yeah! 2 in 1, that is what I call bargain hunter and smart shopper.
4. Tripod – I have been looking for a tripod for my lovely Canon. Finally, found it! Yeah! I am sooooo over the moon.
5. A shirt for a friend. A friend of mine asked me to buy a shirt for her BF. So I bought la.
6. Some souvenirs for my male friends. Female friends, I haven’t decided. Huhu.

What? That is it? No more? You must be kidding! I guess I have to go again. ALASAN.

By the way, I have fallen in love with a few things. They are:

1. Lonsdale bag... waaa! So nice one! Can bawak to class, at the same time..
2. Esprit bag!.. walauweee.. lawa!
3. CK shirt! Damn cheap! Should I get it? Hmm...
4. Levis jean. Well I m not into Levis... so I don’t know!
5. Industrie’s wrist watch! Should I? Or should I not?
6. A very handsome long LEE black jeans jacket. Owh! I just can’t help it! I m in love. But, if I bought it, Malaysian in Malaysia will look at me and say “Gila ka panas2 pakai mcm tu.” So no for me.
7. Suspender.. I have always dream of wearing one. Just want to look a bit nerd. Huhu.
8. Wii.. Should I buy it here?
9. Perfume. I must be serious! I will spend a day just to visit all perfume outlets and buy at least 2 more. La la la la.
10. Previously I bought 2 slacks. Owh my! They have really good slacks. In Malaysia so hampeh one. The design and cutting .... OMG... so bad. I think, I’ll buy more. I hope I won’t get fat!

Now now! I didn’t bring much money. So guess what. La la la.. Thank you CC. Hehe.

C ya later...

Friday, June 12, 2009

aku dikelilingi hantu-hantu

To be surrounded by 'hantus' , u must be a hantu yourself. hehehe
malam ni aku tak tido awal jugak. aku layan lagu jiwang. Update my mp3 player. and then download some indon songs. Semua lagu jiwang. Shared some with julia, mimin. Tak tau nak buat apa. Then.. bila dok dengar2 lagu tu... 2 lagu ni terpacul... aiyo sangat relevan!

kadang-kadang kita kata kalau terjadi something kepada sesuatu perhubungan tu, mesti salah lelaki. Ada lelaki yanng bermanis kata dengan wanita. Ada yang sudah kawin mengaku belum kahwin. Ada lelaki yang sudah berkahwin, tetapi cari lain. Ada lelaki curang. Ada lelaki yang itu, ada lelaki ini.

tetapi, penah tak korang tengok di pihak perempuan pulak? pernah tak cuba tgk salah perempuan. sekarang.. ada yang dah janji kasih dengan lelaki, tetapi lelaki ditinggalkan. ada yang sudah diikat janji, di simpul tunang, tunang melayang, ada yang sudah berkahwin, keluar rumah mencari lain. pernah tak korang terfikir?

semua ini permainan yang tidak hanya boleh disalahkan pada satu pihak. manusia bermacam ragam. ada yang jujur setia, ada yang mengelat sentiasa. ada yang berpegang janji, ada yang sanggup mungkiri, ada yang tunggu mati, ada juga tak senang hati, membawa diri pergi.

semua ini lumrah dunia. Malam ni sahabat ku berkata, "You are a strong guy! I just couldnt face it, if i were you." My answer was simple: If it does not kill, it builds.

... here it goes...
di sekeliling kita ada bermacam ragam manusia. ada yang suka tertawa, ada yang suka buat orang tertawa, ada juga yang tertawa sendirian.

ada yang bermasalah, ada yang suka cari masalah, ada yang lari dari masalah, ada juga yang pura-pura takde masalah.

begitu juga dengan hati budi. ada yang baik budi, ada juga yang busuk hati. ada jugak yang berhasrat dengki tak kurang juga yang mungkir janji.

ada yang suka bercerita, ada yang suka dengar cerita, tak kurang juga yang suka buat cerita, dan juga yang tak tahu apa nak cerita. yang malang ialah mereka yang jadi bahan cerita. apa pun nak kena jaga, maruah diri dan keluarga, kalau semua jadi cerita, orang dengar pun bosan juga.

begitu juga dengan kesabaran. ada yang sabar dengan dugaan. ada yang tidak mampu tahan. ada yang cuma lihat kesabaran, tapi buka langkah terus jalan.

janji pun mcm tu. ada yang suka buat janji. ada yang main-main janji. begitu juga yang tak pandai tepati janji, bila dapat susah lain yang jadi.

begitu juga dengan yang suka pura-pura. ada yang berpura-pura kerana nak nama. ada yang pura-pura kerana terpaksa, tidak kurang juga yang hanya nak jaga, nama baik diri dan keluarga. semua sama

cerita sama juga yang menipu. ada orang suka menipu. kemudian ada juga yang tertipu. ada yang rasa tertipu. dan ada juga yang mengaku dia tak tipu, tapi hanya Allah yang tahu.

ada orang sedih setiap waktu. ada yang angin tak menentu. ada yang cemburu bagai peluru, tak kurang juga yang bertindak melulu.

begitu juga yang tak tahu malu, cakap konon aku semua tahu, tapi semua tipu. konon macam sangat laku, tapi kalau tgk kuku, semua berkematu.

kisah manusis berbagai ragam. yang alim ulama, juga yang banyak lemak, begitu juga yang tergamak, tinggal kekasih kerana hendak, harta bendak kononnya banyak.

hati kita orang sentuh hari-hari, tak kira disayangi atau dilukai. sekali berdiri, tak semestinya kita takkan jatuh lagi. kerana selagi bernafas, kita kena hadapi, setiap apa yang terjadi, kerana itu lah janji, sejak hakiki.

kalau nak ikut rasa hati, dah lama aku lari. sebab hati luka, tidak terperi. tetapi aku sedar. takkan kemana jika lari, kerana yang terjadi telah terjadi. nak ungkit pun tak guna lagi, cuma satu ku pinta, jangan kau muncul lagi.

kalau berkasih biar berpada, jangan hanya pandang di muka, hati pun nak kena kira juga. kalau elok hatinya, elok jugalah pekertinya.

rupa paras boleh menipu. yang nampaknya baik, tak semestinya begitu, kalau dah di uji barulah tahu. semua yang berlaku tak seiring begitu.

Aku berjanji pada diriku, akan ku buka buku baru. Buku lama biar aku bakar, agar terus hatiku tak tercalar. Bukan merungut, cuma mengenang, apa yang jadi hadapi dengan hati yang lapang. kerana aku percaya takdir Tuhan, Dia sudah aturkan. Apa yang terjadi Dia tentukan.

Maruah diri nak kena jaga, kalau di biar tercemar pula. kan susah, semua kena.

Wahai kawan-kawan sekalian. Hiduplah hidup dengan hidup!

Hargailah apa yang anda ada, Kasih sayang keluarga, kasih sayang yang tercinta, tak kira suami, isteri, tunang atau sesiapa. Jangan lah kita buat orng derita kerana kita juga tak mahu derita.

Kalau nak buat apa, pikir berkali, agar tidak nanti disesali, salahkan diri tak henti-henti, sampai masa menunggu mati.

Aku manusia. kamu manusia.... Syaitan ada di sekeliling kita.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

to my adik

You say you're falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an oridnary life
No one calls you friend
No one even knows your name
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

You no longer have to say
No one's listening anyway

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I'll hold you 'til it's over
I'll rescue you tonight
Let My arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I'll love you more than life

You're wearing a frown
Given up on hope
My heart is reaching out
More then you will ever know
Is your burden too much?
Is it more then you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share

You have had some hard times
Had thorns placed in your side
I know about what you've been going through
tears of pain are falling down
It hurts so bad you're crying out
Your problems won't last forever
Let Me put you back together

everything will be ok.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I m tired ...Should I weep or wail?

I just dont know how to describe the emotion tsunami that I have at the moment. Everything seems to be "carca marba." I just dont know, what am I doing.

I m not referring to my assignments. duuh! But I m thinking about me. yup My life. What is going to happen to me?!

Sometimes I think, I mess with other people's business. I poke my nose on other people's affair. What am I doing? What will happen if they hate me for that? I cant afford to be hated. I just dont want to feel hated. Help me!

I mess with my adik's business. What will happen if adik hates me for that? Well.. Adik! I did not mean to be nosy. I just want the best for you. You are a good Adik. Even though you keep on scrutinizing yourself. I think you should stop that la Adik. Whatever the thing is, I will always keep my promise. It is not normal for me for not keeping my promise. But do forgive me for my nosy-ness. I just care TOO MUCH about you. Sorry. I just cant help it. I look at you, and I see myself. There is a part of you that is so apparent, and it reflects me. That is why, I just can not see you sad or suffer. Nosy, I am! Busy body, I am! Just that, I hope that you will not learn to hate me. No adik! no!

It is so suprising how time passes. I just dont realize that I have been like this - sit here doing my works- for more than two weeks. It is like a world record for me. I have never been this passive before.

I looked into the mirror today. I realize that the signs of ageing have become visible. I have never thought that I would survive until now. I thought I would have long gone. Kapoof! But, it has been 29 years old, and I am still breathing. Thank you Allah.

My life, just like others, full of ups and downs. To me, I have survived some, and I do hope I will survive more. My experiences, bad or good have built me. I just cant wait to see what future has for me.

I m still thinking about my future. I am now 29 years old and still no sign of settling down. I m afraid that I will learn to like my current life, and just keep on going like this.. forever. But, deep down, I know.. there is a part where the need to change is struggling. Owh my!

Owh my! Another dream demolished! I have to start another dream. What dream should I dream? Why that dream should I dream?

I think my life sucks. or it might be not. I m so confused. What should I do?

I m hungry, and my stomach starts its weirdness lately. I m just scared that it would become worse.

I do not manage to sleep properly. I just cant. I m tired, but my eyes, my brain, just would not switch off. My brain needs a switch. Or should I bump my head to the wall? Talking about my head, it was kind of weird when 2 days ago I spotted a painful bump on my head. I did not 'terhantuk' anywhere. Anyway, it has dissappeared.

Owh! I need to continue on working! There are so many things I want to put to words, just that I dont think it will be appropriate.

I want to fly away. away.. and away. I smile, but, do i really mean it? Should i weep instead? I should? maybe. Maybe not.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Kita perlu tido.... kita sedih!

Kita tahu kita sayang seseorang bila kita ambil berat keatas dia.
Bila dia tidak muncul, kita nanti kemunculannya.
Tidak muncul, kita rasa gelisah resah.
Kita risau sesuatu terjadi kepada dia.
Dia sudah menjadi sebahagian dari hidup kita.
Sakit dia, sakitlah kita.
Suka dia, sukalah juga kita.

Kita harap semua yang terbaik untuk dia.
Kita mahu dia gembira.
Kita mahu dia selamat dari apa jua.
Itu cara kita ambil berat.
Cara kita sayang dia.

Kerana kita tahu beban yang dia tanggung.
Kita faham rasa dia.
Kita tahu gejolak sanubari dia.
Kita hulur tangan tanda persaudaraan.
Bukan main-main.
Kerana kita sayang dia.

Dia menyakitkan diri
Kita turut merasa.
Kerana kita tak mahu kehilangan dia.
Kerana kita sayang dia.
Bila dia buat sesuatu benda.
Kita harap benda itu baik untuk dia.
Tetapi kalau kita tahu benda itu tidak baik buat dia.
Tapi dia masih buat juga.
Kita kata apa dia tak kira.
Kerana itu hidup dia
Kita sedih mengenangkan dia.

Kita sayang dia.
Kita nak tengok dia bahagia.
Kita doa untuk dia dijauhkan segala bala.
Tapi dia cari jalan bahaya juga.
Kita sedih.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Owh mY! Owh My!

The tense is building. I m feeling like fleeing out NOW and have fun! I need some fun. However, I dont really think I can enjoy myself at the moment. I have 5 assignments to be completed and submitted in two weeks time. One of the assignments is so damn difficult, well not THAT difficult, but tedious!. Analysing data! Owh my! It is indeed a killer subject! I hope I will survive (Praying!!)
I was - still am- bored! So I picked my handphone and snapped some things I saw, perceived rather interesting. (Not to you I guees?!) anyway, it is my blog so I deserve all the right to post whatever... ha ha ha
just joking!
I was thinking of taking some "extremely" degrading photos, but I guess, with my heart of an angel, I would never do that. Haha!
Here I want to share some interesting books that I am currently reading (once in a while) and hope to finish them soon.
I dont like heavy reading! I love something simple, something easy, like children books, or books meant for teenager, as I would love to indulge myself with happy thoughts. huhu!
First, presenting (drum roll......)
My Life Is a Boob Tube.

By the way.. do you know what is a boob tube? Haha! Do you know what boob is? haha! if you know, i guess you'll definitely know what does Boob Tube mean.
. I am actually a fan... (Hell No! not boob tube fan .. geezzz! Mind you!) a fan of Fleur Trotter (the main character in this book, and some books that I'll describe later). I m collecting Fleur Trotter's books. She is hilarious. By the way, I havent read this book.. (he he he) but I have read her other books, as presented below. So let me describe later... (jump jump!)
Ok! My life is a toilet is actually the first book in the series of Fleur Trotter's. It describes Fleur's life, how she met her BF, how she was stranded at a Paradise Island, How she hated her family, how funny she is etc etc.. hey! you guys should read it! It is funny, witty and yak yak yak!
Below is actually her last book. Just imagine, in nearly 10 pages, she describes how she is trying to pee in a bush, at the same time she is trying to ears-dropped her family's meeting, which she reckons would be her family plans in celebrating her Bday!. it is funny and... yak yak yak! Owh she broke up with her BF. What an irony? why? She told him that she kissed another guy! She just wanted to make him jealous. Haha! Aiyok! you guys should read it!

Awh! Man and Boy... it is a masterpiece.. it evolves around a guy's life after his wife left him. Why? He slept with another lady! haha! why? that lady has beautiful long legs. haha.
Ok.. then his wife left him with his son. So they live together. and as a single parent, he has to face public scrunity.its a good book. he, the father, learns a lot from his son. So shuweettttt!
want to know more? Read la!

I m bored.. and I dont know why I am writing this! huhuhu!