Last night...

Last night I went to Tarawikh. The surau is just a stone throw from my house. The surau is equiped with air-conditioner so people would be flocking there just to 'enjoy' the coldness. However, that is not the case.

Last night, when I was praying, I just couldnt stop myself from crying. My late mum's image flashed non-stop in front of me.

I heard her voice...

"Jom la kita pi terawih. Mak nak jalan pegang hang. Kuat sikit mak rasa."

Then, I could still remember her saying...

"Torchlight ni tak elok dah. Nanti hang beli baru kat mak. Senang mak nak bawak pi terawih."

And this the one that made me cried harder...

"Ki... hang buka posa makan apa?"

and for sure I miss her masak asam ikan masin a lot. This is my fav sahur dish.

Now....

I wont be able hear her voice again. I wont be able to hold her when we walk to the nearest mosque for tarawikh. I wont be able to taste her best masak asam ikan masin....

Raya is coming... and for sure

I wont be able to kiss her again. I wont be able to ask for her forgiveness. I wont be able to hug her. I wont be able to see her waiting for me by the door while I m cleaning the house.

Truthfully.... I wish raya would never come so that I wont have to face the sadness and the emptiness of not having the person that I cared the most. My mum.

My brother smsed me last night. He said...

"Raya ni aku balik kampong. Kita pi lawat mak"

My sister smsed me last night. She said...

"Aku rindu nak call mak pastu dengar dia kata "Na! Ni mak ni!""

My other sister said this to me..

"Kalau mak ada boleh la aku pi terawikh. Bolehla mak tunggu adik"

And my other brother texted me and said...

"Bayangkan bagaimanakah keadaan Ibu juga Bapa yang mendapat doa dari anak2nya yang berniat disetiap amal, pahala untuknya terus2an."

Everything yesterday was about my mum.

I miss my mom badly. She is gone, and I m now so lost and lonely. Feel like a dust in the thin air. No direction and hopelessly floating, wondering where will I land once the wind stop blowing.

To all you out there...

love your mum and cheerish her love. Appreciate those who love you 'coz you would never know when they will be taken away from you. 'coz once they are gone, it is useless to even cry blood. They wont be coming back.

Yup! last night I cried.

Mak! Aki sayang mak!.

AlFatihah.

~n~