I m not OK today

Hi

Not in a very good mood today. (since 2 days ago, actually!) Feel so lonely, and it feels worse than before.

What has become of me. I smsed my dear friend, Ab, and told him how I feel. According to him, it is normal. it is what he refers to as early 30's syndrom. He has passed that age long ago. I guess I need to see him so that I can get some tips on how to overcome that sydrome once in for all. HOw I wish, he is here.

I do realize now that I m not an independant guy anymore. But now, i would say that I have become a very dependant guy. I would always crave for company. If before I would go watch movie alone, but now, I just cant. id rather stay home if I have no company. And to tell you the truth, I have no company here, in penang. Everybody seems busy with their own business and I m too damn lazy to go out and make new friends. Yes, I m bored to death.

Once in a while I would contact my bro, but he is busy with his life too and I shouldnt bother him too much - eventhough I want him to accompany me, but I must face the fact that he has his own life.

.......................................................................

I was assigned as the invigilator today. That class looked so annoying. I hated that class so much! Even for invigilation, but there was something -ve about that class. The students looked rather arrogant. One of them was swearinng terribly to i dont know who. But certainly, that class had.... an eerie look. So I hope next sem I will not be asked to teach them.

......................................................................

My bro called me as cekeding since I m a bit skinny. It is not my choice to be skinny. It is not good at all. I cant wear most of my shirts, pants and jeans. Even if i wear them, I would have bulges here and there. It is not good at all.

.....................................................................

there are many things i would want to write, but... I just dont feel OK.. hmm...

hey you! I LOVE YOU!! can you hear me?

T_T

of me and my dot dot dot life..

Woho! I m so damn old now. huhu! last nite went to watch movie. Ironman and Crazies. Nak tahu tak... Ironman tu aku tak tengok pun! Aku just duduk dalam cinema and tido. haha! So i paid rm5 just untuk dapatkan ekon. Aku akan terjaga sekali sekala bila my bro 'menyiku' kan aku. Itu la fungsi dia kalau tgk movie ngan aku, dia akan 'sikukan' aku kalau dia rasa aku tidak bergerak. haha! maka aku pun akan terjaga, untuk seketika, dan tido semula. Dia akan sikukan semula, pastu aku terjaga, aku sikukan dia (revenge!!) pastu aku tido semula.

Well.. that is who I have become. I usually could stand movie marathon, 5 movies in a row, but now, satu movie pun aku dah tido. And banyak plak kenangan kat dalam cinema. Terlanggar tiang la, stoking berbau la, tgk horror movie dalam cinema kosong la.. mcm2. Tapi semalam, for sure, aku terjaga bila dengar letupan kat screen je, yang selainnya, yang aku ingat cumalah aku disiku, kepala ku terlentok ke minah disebelah (bersama bf dia yang sangat sihat!!) selainnya aku cuma nampak ironman terbang macam pondan. haha. pastu meletup pongpang pongpang, last skali lampu terpasang. So sangat berbaloi bayar RM5. pastu masa The Crazies, mmg aku terjaga, tapi menjelang 1/4 terakhir aku rasa sangatletih, sangat letih, dan letih... dan klekuk!!! aku kena siku lagi! huhu. haha.. pastu aku terjaga sampai abis.. lalalala

skarng ni nak g memana dah senang dah coz aku dah ada driver. tak sabar la aku nak hand over stereng tu pada dia agar aku bleh tido. Lambatnya rasa dia nak dapat lesen. Dia dah boleh bawak kreta, just dia teragak2 je lagi. Tak lama lagi tu, terer la tu. wuhuhu. skrang ng jadi masalah ialah kat bulatan dan kat traffic light. Dia selalu pindah lorong masa kat tengah simpang. Itu agak berbahaya juga coz kereta selalunya akan kejar lampu hijau, so takut nanti, tak ternampak... kebabow plak. tapi takpa, teringat plak masa aku memula drive dulu. Mind you, aku tak pernah pegang stereng selain stereng keta memandu. Blejar, belajar, belajar.. akhirnya den dapat. Walaupun aku dapat lesen kete hanya pada umur 23, tapi ok la. and the best part is, aku beli kereta apa semua, semua aku uruskan sendri. Orang lain tak amik kesah pun. So skrang kalau orang tanya kenapa dulu masa beli kerete ko tak itu ini itu ini.. aku dia je. dorang tak tahu yang masa aku beli keta dulu aku haram apa pun tak tau pasal kreta. and masa nak bawa keta balik umah tu, hanya Allah je yang tahu, betapa takutnya aku. Semua buat sorang. nak ajak orng itu, orng ini semua busy. last2 aku g je sendiri. huhu.. dapat juga kete aku ni.

ok... tadi aku tereksiden bawa dvd gegambo aku ke opis. walaupun keja banyak, tapi aku terpanggil untuk buka gegambo tu. aksi2 aku dan kawan2 ku yang aku chentai! wowowowo! I miss you guys la. wowowow

p/s: gambo tidak ada kena mengena dengan post aku ok. huhu!!!

i am special..but I am not THAT special...

I am special... but I am not THAT special.......

if not... I would know things that other people wouldnt know the thing that I know...

You can hug someone, but you cant ask that person to hug you in return....

Its one free will to do as they wish.... all you can offer is...... your very best!

so...

I am special.... but NOT THAT SPECIAL.....

sad but true....

Y_Y

...of many things that I need and I missed...

Halo! It has been ages since I last put up something here. I miss blurting some thoughts here. how I wish I can be as "loyal" as Paten in writing her blog. Her blog doesnt only look good, it is entertaining too. You go girl. keep em coming ya!

Ok! First of all, Happy Mother's dDy to all moms out there. Even though I had never wished my mom such, but I would surely call or went home to see her on this special day. However, this year, obviously she is no longer with me, so I couldnt go home and see her. But, I did send my prayers for her, not just on this special day, but everyday. I do hope that Allah would grant my prayer even though I do realise that I have sinned A LOT!. Dear God. I miss her.

Hmm .... last week , I was so busy with my works. Marks are to be keyed in and submitted today. I didnt have enough sleep just to complete all those. I skipped some meals, or at least just grabbed something light. Last week, I had Cheezel and Mocha. Nice!!! owh! How I miss my cuppa (capu in front of the lawn near UNSW library). Busy with works. I m getting skinnier. huhu! it is not somthing that I should proud of!

This week, I m so damn lucky I received a "pemeriksa jemputan". Hehe. He helped me to mark piles of test papers. I m very grateful and thankful that my "pemeriksa jemputan" is willing enough to let all his easy going and enjoyable time go and help me with the markings. I just dont know what to say. I m so damn lucky. I owe him big time.

Last week, eventhough I was so damn busy, but I was happy since I got to know a very special news. My bro is finally working his way with someone special. I m so gald to hear that. My bro is a special one. I would do anything just to make him happy. When I heard about the news, I was just so happy! I smiled all day. You mean a lot to me bro. It would give me heaven just to know that you are happy. And I want you to be happy for real!

There are many things that I would love to spill out here, but just that, some of them are rather inappropriate. I m thinking of opening a new blog where it would be my REAL story where I can just say what I want to say. I hope I would find the courage to do so.

Anyway, I m do damn lucky to have a very supportive brother. You mean a lot to me bro. thanks a mill for what you have done. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

THis week, I m going to have a very special project with DMT. Wait and see. I do hope the project would come true.

Till then...

c ya..